Everybody’s Got Stuff

I’m so frustrated with myself today. I had a brief encounter with a perfect stranger that I’ve allowed to ruin my afternoon. She started it, but that doesn’t give me an excuse to not practice what I preach and repay her with kindness. I tried. My words sounded kind but my heart was raging against this woman who didn’t know me and her unkind words and angry attitude have caused this ugly dark cloud to sit over me. I know I should let it go. Normally I do, but not today for some reason.

She was frustrated and lashed out at the first person to cross her path. She didn’t know my story and I don’t know hers. Maybe she’d had a really bad day or was just given bad news. Maybe she’s just naturally crabby and I just got caught in the crosshairs.

I’m usually pretty good at understanding that everybody’s got stuff. Everybody’s got something going on in their life that makes it hard. Hard to be kind, hard to forgive and sometimes, just hard to live life.

I had a picture hung in my office when I still worked that came with me to every position and new office I had. To the average person looking at it, it was just your typical team photo of a really great group of people I used to work with. It was a candid shot from a day of serious marketing photos. Lots of big smiles and a couple of guys jumping, their crazy poses captured forever in my photo. The reason I carry that picture with me always is that it reminds me of that very thing – everybody’s got stuff.

Looking at the smiles and laughs no one sees any pain. There’s no clue that anything is sad or wrong or missing. And yet, a few days after that shot was taken, one of those smiling faces went home after his shift, took a shotgun and ended his life. Just like that. He was gone. And the saddest part for me, and all of us who knew him, is that no one knew. No one knew his utter despair. No one knew, as he said his goodbyes to everyone at the end of his day that none of us would ever see him again. Or hear his quiet laugh or be encouraged by his gentle spirit. He had stuff.

Just like my picture, the raging of a very unhappy person should be a reminder that everybody’s got stuff. We need to give each other grace. We don’t know their story and they don’t know ours. Unless we pause long enough to hear theirs and share ours, they never will.

Maybe if I hadn’t let my encounter with an angry woman make me upset and instead stopped long enough to find out if there was something I could do I would have felt better about the encounter. And I’m sure she would have as well.

I know this sounds crazy, but in remembering my friend who didn’t have anyone to share his sorrow with, I’m feeling calmer. The encounter wasn’t about me, it was about her “stuff”. I hope and pray I run into this woman again. I want to apologize for whatever I did to cause so much distress. I want to ask if there’s anything I can do. And even more importantly, I’m praying God forgives my carelessness with the feelings of another one of his creations. If God can allow me to rage once in awhile but still puts his arm around me, I should be able and willing to do the same.

I believe God wants us to love others so much that we go to extremes to help them.    – Francis Chan